Pain Box: a place where you put pain when you are not in a place or position to be able to allow others know that you are experiencing pain. When I was younger and having to go from day to day with varying amounts of pain depending on the level of abuse, I developed a … Continue reading Pain Box
Surviving
Being Alive and Living
A few weeks ago I was faced with a serious health issue. One that required me to go to the hospital and receive emergency assistance. But before I made the decision to go to the hospital I had to make a choice. For the last several months I have been weighted down with deep exhaustion. … Continue reading Being Alive and Living
What does it feel like to have PTSD
Someone once asked me what it felt like to have PTSD. They asked me what it was like and how did I handle the things that came up because of the PTSD. I don't remember what it was that I said or if I was able to give an accurate assessment of what it feels … Continue reading What does it feel like to have PTSD
Losing Someone
Sometimes I hear the phrase "it takes a community to raise a child." And there are so many ways that I agree with that. Community is very important. To everyone. This past week I experienced a rather hard thing. Someone I know died. Their death was shocking and surprising. Mostly because it was unexpected. It … Continue reading Losing Someone
Learning to Speak Freely
Sometimes, when I am very stressed or in the midst of dealing with ghosts from the past, I stutter. This used to be a real problem for me. I also had a lisp. I saw a speech therapist for a short time when I was very young. And it also led to many opportunities for … Continue reading Learning to Speak Freely
The Ball: a story of validation
I wanted to write about validation. I even wrote the whole post out. Then I realized how dark it felt. I realized I had tapped into all those negative feelings of invalidation that I have experienced. All the times I was told that I should not talk about the abuse or what happened were brought … Continue reading The Ball: a story of validation
Telling Stories
When I first started to talk about the trauma I experienced, I learned who my friends were. They were the people who listened without judging. Who held my hand when I was panicking or so depressed that I saw very little light. They were the ones who called to check on me and sat with … Continue reading Telling Stories
The Library
This is one of those days when I look back at how I was a few years ago and wonder how I made it this far. A few years ago I was not going out in public much. I went for the few things that I needed to do. And that was about it. Grocery … Continue reading The Library
Expressive Art 2
Due to the fact that I am not as fast with the computer at home due to having antiquated dial up Having a picture in the blog is taking me some difficulty. I wanted to share this picture. This is my trauma quilt. I made this as my final project for my BA. What it … Continue reading Expressive Art 2
The Dark: Forgetting
At the beginning of healing, when things were dark, I was afraid. There was a lot to be afraid of. There were the memories that flooded in as though they were happening. There was the undertow of depression that was waiting to draw me in and take me under into darkness. And there was the … Continue reading The Dark: Forgetting
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