There may be aspects of this post that could be triggering for some people. Fear. It is what I wake up to in the mornings and what I go to bed with at night. It is underlying my every interaction. Fear is the devastating thing that eats at my body as I lie in the … Continue reading Fear
Over the last two years, we have acquired a small flock of chickens—the first ten we bought at the feed store as chicks. We lost three to random wild animal attacks last summer. Last fall, we found four chickens abandoned on the side of the road, just left there in the woods to be eaten … Continue reading Lessons I learned from a Chicken
Several weeks ago I wrote about not being broken. And I really do believe that we, I, am not broken. In my head, I genuinely think this. In my heart, I struggle every day. I know that I am growing and learning about how to move beyond the trauma, but I am also still struggling … Continue reading Is it fear of failure or success?
Fear can become so intense that I feel there is nowhere in my body that is safe. It is a feeling that crawls at my skin from the inside. Then, just as suddenly as the fear arrived, it goes away. If it doesn’t go away it at least dissipates to a point of bearability. This … Continue reading Breathing Through Fear
Almost a year and a half ago my heart decided to do strange things. The electrical circuitry in my heart decided to go rogue on me. It started by going out of rhythm and then going fast. The doctors got that straightened out and then my heart decided to show me who was boss. Again … Continue reading Waiting to Die vs. Learning to Live
Breathing in and breathing out. Opening myself to each day. There are times that I come to a point of complete exhaustion. When I become so tired and feel ready to be done. Days where I would welcome an end to the pain. Because to be honest there really are no pain free days. There … Continue reading Looking for a spark
Once upon a time there was a dark cloud. He had no discernible from. He simply was. He could wrap himself around a person and fill them with fear so powerful that everything would quiet in their mind except the need to escape. This was his nature. One day he saw a girl. She was … Continue reading A story of Panic
This has been a hard week. Disappointments and events that were very scary. All things that happened in the last few days. Good things have happened as well. But some of the things that happened were very hard. I called a couple of friends and we worked through some of the problems. They gave me … Continue reading Avoiding the Dark Place
This morning I went on line and went to the regular sites that I visit. One of my favorites is findyourmiddleground.com. This morning it was about listening to yourself and be present with yourself. The question that was asked was: What is alive in me right now? So I sat quietly, unclenched my jaw and … Continue reading Accepting my Fear
It was not that long ago that my main goal in life was to be invisible. If no one saw me than the chances of getting judged, hurt, embarrassed or any other negative social encounter were minimized. This however,much to my disappointment, never worked. I am basically a friendly person and though I try to … Continue reading I am a recovering perfectionist.