Whenever I go to the doctor's office, the first thing they ask is for me to get on the scale. They type the numbers into their computer. Then we go down the hallway to the office. The nurse takes my blood pressure, which is fine, thank you. My pulse, due to my medication is always … Continue reading Hiding in Plain Sight
Family
How I move through the world
Lately, I have had to look at myself very closely. I have had to examine what I can do and what I struggle to do. I have had to examine how I move through the world. I have created a myriad of coping strategies that help me to move through the world and feel safe. … Continue reading How I move through the world
Learning from Chickens
I have been watching the chickens a lot this summer. I have found that some of them like to be by themselves, but one of them panics every time she notices that she is alone. This particular chicken is named Wolverine. (This because the feather arrangement around her face reminded us of Wolverine’s sideburns.) Wolverine … Continue reading Learning from Chickens
“That is not your story”
I was told by my daughter today that people who are not depressed tend to be proactive. "I'm proactive," I said. "Everyday I make plans and come up with strategies on how to get out of bed and accomplish things, like making it through the day." "That's not proactive, that's survival," she said. "That's stupid," … Continue reading “That is not your story”
Showing Up
Fear and Longing are very powerful forces. They tell us that we can't do something while at the same time telling us that we are lost without it. Social experiences for me are often like this. I have an intense fear of doing social things and at the same time, I have an overwhelming need to be … Continue reading Showing Up
Not Broken
I am not broken. I may be a little dented and scared, but I am not broken. I think that there are a lot of people who think that their anxiety and depression makes them broken. I have thought that I was broken. I have let myself fall into a place where I felt broken. … Continue reading Not Broken
Working with Shame
I have spent the last few months trying to understand how best to move beyond shame. This means that I have been reading, pondering, and talking to others about what I am experiencing. I have, of course, been reading and listening to Brene Brown. I have also been reading books on loving kindness. After I … Continue reading Working with Shame
Belonging
I often connect my self-worth with being accepted by others. I have had experiences in the recent past where I am around a lot of amazingly talented, kind and wonderful people. When I need help they were there to lend an arm or to help me when my hips froze up and I needed help … Continue reading Belonging
Nurturing Nature
There are times when anxiety comes along and grabs me refusing to let go. I go through the day feeling as though someone pulled a fire alarm in my brain and none of my thoughts know where to go. Sometimes, not often enough, when I go to bed after a really bad day, I dream … Continue reading Nurturing Nature
Anxiety: Friend, Foe, or Super Power
Anxiety has been both friend and foe all my life. Lately, it has also become my super power. As far back as I can remember I have had anxiety attacks. I didn’t know what they were or that other people felt the same way, I only knew that there were times when I felt unbelievably … Continue reading Anxiety: Friend, Foe, or Super Power
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