Depression has a way of sneaking up on me. I have been doing pretty well for a while on the depression front. I have had my low times and also some hard times. The darkness that I struggled through for much of the fall and winter was crushing but has passed. I felt like things … Continue reading Hiding
These posts are pieces from the book on healing that I have been working on, and some of them were written months ago, while others are written more recently. remembering trauma I hate remembering the trauma. The process my mind has set up is usually heralded in by nightmares. I rate my nightmares on a … Continue reading Remembering
I read several blogs about books. One of the ones that I turn to regularly is Modern Mrs. Darcy. Yesterday she posed the question of what is saving us right now? At first, my response was reading. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that that was not actually true. Though … Continue reading What am I doing to stay sane?
Rejection is never easy. I spend a lot of time thinking about rejection. Focusing on past rejections and trying to figure out what I did wrong. Sometimes I may have done something wrong, and there are times when it was just the wrong time or place. I spent a lot of my childhood rejected by … Continue reading To Reject or Not to Reject
There is a fir tree outside my bedroom window. When there is no snow and the day is clear, the branches all curve upwards to the sun. However, when it snows, the branches of the tree all sag downward with the weight of the snow. The tree sometimes looks like a collapsed umbrella. Depression can … Continue reading Be the Tree
The last few weeks have been hard for me. My depression got a jump start due to a conversation that triggered some of my trauma responses. And then some other things happened that triggered more trauma responses. I call them trauma responses for the lack of a better term. My body reacts to the trigger … Continue reading Depression Check list
Here where I live, Autumn has arrived. And the beauty of the change in woods where I live has eased my heart. It is beautiful to sit and revel in the colors of the leaves. I have been reading the book Emotional Agility by Susan David. It has been very illuminating. I am gaining a better understanding … Continue reading Trying to find a way through
These have been dark days. Depression, which usually lies as an underthought to my day, has begun controlling things again. I seem to spend more time hiding in bed because my heart hurts. My heart hurts because I am triggering my body into self-protection mode, much like what it went into right before I got … Continue reading Depression and the Art of Listening to Myself
When I wake up in the morning, I have a ritual that motivates me to get out of bed. The first thing I do is to read sacred writings. I do this to clear away some of the cobwebs, and also to give me a new direction to move my thoughts. The second thing I … Continue reading Finding the right word
Several weeks ago I wrote about not being broken. And I really do believe that we, I, am not broken. In my head, I genuinely think this. In my heart, I struggle every day. I know that I am growing and learning about how to move beyond the trauma, but I am also still struggling … Continue reading Is it fear of failure or success?