Every day is a win when I get out of bed. For the last nine months, I have struggled with depression. Some days are better than others, and some days I take getting out of bed as my only win. On the days it is hard to get out of bed, I wait until I … Continue reading It is always a win when you get out of bed.
anxiety
Anxiety and Feeling Less than Myself
A few weeks ago, I went to the new cardiologist. I had been looking forward to seeing them since I was able to make the appointment. I had planned to make a day of it when I made the 2-hour drive to Burlington. The plan consisted of a well-chosen audiobook and a stop at the … Continue reading Anxiety and Feeling Less than Myself
Hiding
Depression has a way of sneaking up on me. I have been doing pretty well for a while on the depression front. I have had my low times and also some hard times. The darkness that I struggled through for much of the fall and winter was crushing but has passed. I felt like things … Continue reading Hiding
Sleep
Sleep is one of the most incredible things in the world. There is nothing like a warm bed on a cold night or a pile of comfortable pillows to make into a nest giving you a snug and safe feeling. I love the feeling of slowly falling off to sleep and experiencing the snuggling comfort … Continue reading Sleep
Remembering
These posts are pieces from the book on healing that I have been working on, and some of them were written months ago, while others are written more recently. remembering trauma I hate remembering the trauma. The process my mind has set up is usually heralded in by nightmares. I rate my nightmares on a … Continue reading Remembering
Fear
There may be aspects of this post that could be triggering for some people. Fear. It is what I wake up to in the mornings and what I go to bed with at night. It is underlying my every interaction. Fear is the devastating thing that eats at my body as I lie in the … Continue reading Fear
Be the Tree
There is a fir tree outside my bedroom window. When there is no snow and the day is clear, the branches all curve upwards to the sun. However, when it snows, the branches of the tree all sag downward with the weight of the snow. The tree sometimes looks like a collapsed umbrella. Depression can … Continue reading Be the Tree
Safety or Comfort
I have been slowly reading through Emotional Agility. It is taking me a while to work my way through the book. I read some, and then I think about it. I have started to write in my books. Something that I did very seldom and only with textbooks when I was in college. I have opted for … Continue reading Safety or Comfort
Depression and the Art of Listening to Myself
These have been dark days. Depression, which usually lies as an underthought to my day, has begun controlling things again. I seem to spend more time hiding in bed because my heart hurts. My heart hurts because I am triggering my body into self-protection mode, much like what it went into right before I got … Continue reading Depression and the Art of Listening to Myself
Moving from Anxiety to a Plan
Living with a mental illness is difficult. When I am at home, I have trouble coping with some situations, but all I have to do is say I am having difficulty. In contrast, many things trigger my anxiety out in the world, so many opportunities for my executive functions to freeze up. An excellent example … Continue reading Moving from Anxiety to a Plan
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