Lately, I have been looking at my self and looking at the hard truths that I would rather not look at too closely. This weekend I had one of those realizations that shake the way I look at myself. I realized that I need to change how I frame things in my mind and in how I relay information to others.
It is easy to say that because of how I grew up and the things that I went through, I created a coping strategy to deal with disappointments or culpability that doesn’t work. The event that triggered these realizations wasn’t a big one, and in actuality, it was a non-event. But I was tired, totally exhausted, and should not have been anywhere except home, and the event was simply a miscommunication. I felt embarrassed that I had made a mistake, and in my mind, the entire event became an awful experience. “See, the world is out to get me!” When in actuality, it was nothing.
That realization got me thinking about all the times in my mind I made a situation worse than it was. How often had I looked at something that was just life happening and re-framed it in my mind to be some sort of a conspiracy? Probably more time than I would like to admit. And the take away from all this? Stop and think before reacting.
My husband reminded me that I could look at all the ways the day didn’t work out as just one of those days. Though I think that it was the universe saying, I should have listened to my body and stayed in bed resting. The other thing that I realized was that when he told the story about our day, it was humorous, and the way I told the tale showed my view of the world being out to get me.
I do realize that a lot of the problem was my extreme exhaustion and feelings of emotional fragility, but it was also a sign of how I had too often looked at things. In some ways, it is an example of looking at life from the viewpoint of a victim rather than a survivor or a warrior.
Keeping in mind that the world is not out to get me and that stuff happens can help me look at the view I am taking of the world and whether I need to adjust that view. My husband usually has a better take on the world than I do in so many ways. I have spent too many years protecting myself that I view everything as a potential threat. I am happy I have him to point out the difference between an attack and just a bad day.