The residency at the college is winding down. All my course contracts are in and approved. Now I just need to go home and accomplish them. That is the hard part.
This semester I have stepped out of my comfortable zone of read all the material and then write a paper. With two of my courses I have opted to do something different. Things that are not necessarily hard but are definitely not my usual methods. This is the hard part. The fear of failing somehow. And that brings me back to my fear of not being good enough. Of not being perfect.
My papers are far from perfect and I have accepted that part of me. It doesn’t mean that I don’t try to write good papers just that I understand my limitations. But these other projects require more of me than I usually give. What if I fail?
That is the far reaching question. I am putting more of myself on display than I have in a very long time. According to others who see more of me and what I can do or have to offer this will be wonderful. For myself who only sees her world through the lens of my mistakes, this is scary. I am afraid to begin down this journey. I know that this journey will be a wonderful learning experience that will give me either success or failure to build from.
I am hoping for success.
2 thoughts on “Regain some control”
I love this. It is so your honest “self”. However, I see even the failures as successes. I see the challenge that you have given yourself as a great success already. Remember, how many will not even envision to pick up half the gauntlet you have. I see in your challenge only growth.
Thanks. I hope that i can get past the feat to reach that growth. But…baby steps.