I have been on a mini vacation for the past few days. I had the opportunity to stay in a beautiful cabin by myself. I promised myself that I would bring no work with me. I would only bring things that would help me relax. And i did.
It was hard. I had my computer with me and my e-reader. I brought my idea of comfort food, since there was a full kitchen. And my comfy clothes. I spent time relaxing. There were a couple of times that I caught myself from doing things that were even remotely non relaxing. But I held fast. And I began to relax.
Here is the thing. I don’t relax. It is very difficult for me to let my body relax. For years my body has been in a constant state of preparedness. Prepared to do battle and to defend itself at a moments notice. Relaxing is a thing that very rarely happens. For instance I am sitting with my youngest watching a very calm movie and yet when I thought about my body I realized that I was completely tensed. All my muscles were tensed and ready to spring. They are almost always like that. Even when I sleep. If isometric movement could make someone really buff I would be. I wake up with all my muscles tight, I stretch to get them to release. So relaxing is a BIG thing,
I decided that the best way to go about this was to learn from the relaxation masters. My cats. They sit in the sun, warm by the fire, eat and sleep. So that is what I did. I sat in the little sunlight that was there. I took naps and ate. I also went online and did fun things, like fill up my pintrest page and look at what everyone else was doing. I did not read the news articles and I did not do anything that would not add to the relaxation. And it worked. Somewhat. I have my doubts as to whether there will come a day that I will be at complete relaxation but this was close. Even my shoulder which is so tensed from stress it has been pulling my arm out of socket, eased.
In the morning I go back to my life. A slightly more relaxed person. I have found that I need to create the place to relax. And to do so without the guilt that I should be doing something productive. It is time to take my relaxation seriously. It is time to stand down from all the things that kept me ready to fight. Because those things do not exist anymore. There is no good reason for me to be battle ready at all times.
So, tomorrow when I start back into my life I will do so with a little more peace and the knowledge that I can in fact relax and that i do not need to fight those monsters anymore. I will learn to be a master of peace and relaxation. I will learn to be a cat.