Today I caved. I gave into the anxiety that I can usually keep under control. I really wanted to go with some friends today to Boston. It is a three hour drive four and a four hour drive back. The drive is beyond my comfort zone. I can handle the two hour drive that I usually undertake when I want to go to a city but four is really outside my comfort zone.
I don’t really remember when driving became such an issue for me. But it is an issue. The thought of going on a long drive starts a small anxiety. then over a few days it builds. If I can somehow manage to muscle my way through the drive to the destination the drive back kills me. Then it takes days to get over it. I think that it really depends on where I am psychologically at the time. And right now I am very overwhelmed.
My son tried to talk me into going. Using all the regular arguments to get past my anxiety and fear. But that did not work. I then pointed out to him that I actually do have large issues with panic and anxiety. His response was that he forgets that. Which makes me feel better that I am not always seeming like a basket case. And I do try to muscle my way through things with the hope that the more I do it the easier it will be. But in this case it was not working. I was building into that blind panic that makes you feel like if you move you will die.
So, today I am still at home and my friends have gone off with out me. This has become my new goal: To get past this anxiety. I know I can. I know the cause of it. This is going to just take time. And hard work. And a lot of patience. But I am fairly certain I can do this. I just need a plan.
9 thoughts on “I need a plan”
Sorry to read this I suffer with anxiety have done for 29 years, I feel for you it is a tough life,hope you can make your journey in the not too distant future,good luck love Alexandra 🙂
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I have had the anxiety all my life. And it does seem to get better at times. I wish you good and happy thoughts. Leslie
I wish you all the best.
Thank you, sending you joyful thoughts.
thank you. means a lot. 🙂
Though, my own anxiety doesn’t manifest in this way, I know the need for a plan. I wave found my best plans involve baby steps.
I like the plan the entire event in advance with an outline and bullet points. But baby steps is good. See you in a few weeks.
Is this particular manifestation of the anxiety a protection reaction? Sometimes I find that when I feel anxious about doing something, at the bottom of it my subconcsious was protecting me from a perceived threat. In the past I have been able to make myself ( in the form of my subconscious ) realize that the threat is perceived but not actual. Sometimes it takes several of these talks to see
a difference in how I am reacting to the situation. Remember to be kind to yourself, you did not ” give in” to the anxiety, this is not a war, this is a healing. A process with many steps along the way. Be proud of yourself for recognizing and protecting yourself from a situation that would have been harmful. You are an amazing, wise woman. You are on an amazing journey. You are healing yourself and helping others along the way. Pretty fantastic, I’d say.
Thanks. I will keep this in mind.