I guess I should start today with a disclaimer. I am really in a good place. I am not suicidal nor have I felt that way in a long time. I am grateful to those who have reached out to me after the blog about suicide. But I truly am fine.
I have reached a point in winter where I do not think I can actually get any colder. It will take at least until June for me to thaw. It is the point where I start to feel cold if I am anywhere that is not in almost direct contact with the wood stove or my bed and my hot water bottle. I realize this is whining but I am cold.
Perhaps it is the natural air exchange or drafts that have made me colder this year. I think though that it is just cold. I look forward to spring. This morning the windows in my room were foggy and I looked out the window and said, “I thought it was supposed to be sunny today.” And it is. The windows just threw me off.
I have gotten really good at guessing the temperature. If there is frost around the edge of the bathroom window it is near zero. If there is frost coming out from the the window frame onto the glass it is below zero. This morning the frost was around the edge. I am ready for spring.
It is the time of year where I begin to do the seed ordering for the garden. Simply looking at those lovely plants and vegetables that radiate warmth helps me think of warm summer days. This is especially affective if I am sitting as close as possible to the wood stove. Preferably with my feet up on the ledge of the open oven door. This is also my favorite spot to read also. It does however block anyone from getting by me. So if there are very many people home I end up moving frequently. Or have people climb over the top. Personally I would rather move.
Allegedly spring is coming. So far it has every year. It is just at this time that I begin to doubt whether it exists. People have asked why I don’t move south. Or back to Texas. Honestly I handle the cold a lot better than the heat. So here I will stay. Of course living in northern Vermont I should just accept the winter and enjoy it. But complaining and whining is so much more fun.