This is my third attempt at writing this post. I have tried two other topics before this one. The first felt morbid beyond belief, even though it really wasn’t and the second one had absolutely no direction. I am supposed to be finishing a paper and my brain stalled out. It is one of those things that happens when I want to be any where but where I am.
There are at least ten books waiting patiently for me to read them. None of which have anything to do with school. And at least five art projects. But here I sit working, or supposed to be working on this paper. It is the last of the semester which is probably why it is so hard to finish. But there are so many other things calling to me.
There is the pintrest page I have not looked at in two months. The books I have mentioned. The games I want to play. And the mindless staring at the television while snuggled up with the little ones. Not to mention the baking…
All of which get farther and farther away as I procrastinate writing the paper. It is an interesting paper. And I have all the information. It is the act of actually sitting and writing that I want to avoid. It used to be that I dreaded paper writing because I did not believe that I had anything to say or that I would say it poorly. I have gotten past that at this point. Yet sometimes I am still afraid that I sound like I have no idea what I am talking about. All right that happens more than I want to think it does.
So in honor of my reward system I have decided to reward myself with a bottle of sparkling juice ( I don’t drink) and a nice dinner when I have finished and submitted everything I need to do. Thus said I should get back to work. I wish I didn’t procrastinate. But if i didn’t I would not be me.
4 thoughts on “The reward system revisted”
Let’s see….ummm…yum for the books and the games. When I was in college, in the middle of finals one year, I started to read Jane Austen, for the first time, just to read something that wasn’t school, even though I liked school. Also I think, I’ve been thinking recently, that fiction calms the brain, at least briefly. Fiction presents the world of people’s interaction in a form whereas life is formless. That last sentence sounded better in my head.
I try to read a fiction book once a week during residency. The fact that i read very fast helps me get this done. This fall I have been reading a lot of fairy tales. It has kept me sane.
Reading the novel “The Patron Saint of Liars” this morning I was thinking that when you read a novel you’re in someone else’s consciousness for a while which is very refreshing, a break, a rest from one’s own.
I think that is why I love fiction so much. I spend most of the winter reading. It is also what I do when I am really stressed and overwhelmed. Probably because of what you just said, I get to be someone else for awhile. And I love the way a good book can take me on an emotional roller coaster and spit me out at the end.