There have been so many times that I have never tried to do something because I was afraid. I do not mean hang gliding or rock climbing. Those will probably never happen. The first because I am truly terrified of heights and the second because that type of dexterity left me a while ago. Though it could come back if I work at it. No, the type of fear that I am talking about is the fear of failing.
I haven’t written the book I always wanted to because I was afraid it would never be published. And it won’t at this rate. Or of taking a chance to meet someone. Or of trying something new, anything new. This fear has ruled me for so long. And here is the thing, I would probably be just fine at what ever I wanted to do. I am always amazed at the amount of belief in me other people have.
And I guess that is a big part of it. Other people see us without all the fog we put up to blind ourselves. I have been struggling along in life trying to get through school or trying to understand something and think I am failing miserably. Yet, the people around me keep saying I am doing great. Perhaps it is time that I take stock of what i have accomplished in life. And try to do those things.
A very wise friend of mine, Sandra, keeps telling me I can do these things. And that I need to just tell myself that I can do anything. I can write that book, or sing that song, or apply for that internship. All those years of allowing the trauma to keep me down, of believing all those things that I was told and internalized, needs to come to an end. Because those things were not true then and they are not true now.
I can do all the things that I want to do. And in the immortal words of Allie Brosch, “I can do anything!” ( Hyperbole and a half).