These have been dark days. Depression, which usually lies as an underthought to my day, has begun controlling things again. I seem to spend more time hiding in bed because my heart hurts. My heart hurts because I am triggering my body into self-protection mode, much like what it went into right before I got … Continue reading Depression and the Art of Listening to Myself
Moving from Anxiety to a Plan
Living with a mental illness is difficult. When I am at home, I have trouble coping with some situations, but all I have to do is say I am having difficulty. In contrast, many things trigger my anxiety out in the world, so many opportunities for my executive functions to freeze up. An excellent example … Continue reading Moving from Anxiety to a Plan
On Reading Duchess Goldblatt
To continue the theme of books I have been reading, I thought I would write about the book I just finished. At the beginning of June, I asked my family if they wanted to start a reading group. We played a pick a number type of decision matrix, and I got to pick the first … Continue reading On Reading Duchess Goldblatt
The Strugle of Worth
I started re-reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. The first time I read the book, I only made it about halfway and hated it. The more I read, the angrier I felt. I couldn't understand what was so special. I was doing just fine; thank you very much. Here we are several years into the … Continue reading The Strugle of Worth
Why we need to revisit books
This morning I went for a drive with my husband. Some of my best conversations happen in cars. My family has told me that at home I am very distracted. I completely agree with them. I spend my time at home, paying attention to everything going on in the house, and interacting with every event … Continue reading Why we need to revisit books
Overthinking
Recently I started reading a book called Don't Overthink It by Anne Bogel. Overthinking is something that gets me into more trouble than I want. Especially att his time of quarantine and unsurity. I have had bouts of agoraphobia in the past. Going to new or crowded places, not to mention closed in, are very anxiety-producing for … Continue reading Overthinking
Lessons I learned from a Chicken
Over the last two years, we have acquired a small flock of chickens—the first ten we bought at the feed store as chicks. We lost three to random wild animal attacks last summer. Last fall, we found four chickens abandoned on the side of the road, just left there in the woods to be eaten … Continue reading Lessons I learned from a Chicken
Missing Fitting In
Every morning I watch a TED talk. I have been using their playlists of talks to find a topic that might interest me. Previous playlists have been the one on, Existential Crisis, and historical events I might not remember, like the title of the playlist. Today I decided to go with the one on loneliness. … Continue reading Missing Fitting In
Finding the right word
When I wake up in the morning, I have a ritual that motivates me to get out of bed. The first thing I do is to read sacred writings. I do this to clear away some of the cobwebs, and also to give me a new direction to move my thoughts. The second thing I … Continue reading Finding the right word
Losing My Words
For several months I have been trying to think and write. Probably a more accurate assessment of how things have been going for me would be to say that I have succumbed to sitting and staring. I have also been using the delete key more frequently than I have in the past. I have a … Continue reading Losing My Words
